"Don'ts" and "Do's" of Persuasion

The Harvard Business Review recently sent through a 'Tip of the Day' entitled 3 Don'ts of Persuasion,  the overview of which was

In today's business environment, it's not enough to tell people to do something. You need to also explain why they should. This is why people who've mastered the art of persuasion rise to the top of the ranks. When trying to influence others, avoid 3 of the most common mistakes

• The hard sell: Being insistant and exuberant at the outset gives potential opponents something to grab onto. Use finesse instead of brawn
• Resisting compromise: Compromise does not equal surrender. Listen to others and when possible, integrate their ideas into the solution. 
• Assuming you have one chance: Persuasion is a process, not a one time event. Get results over time by listening, proposing a position, testing it and then refining it

Using these ideas as a starting point, the work FranklinCovey does in the area of working with / supporting clients reflects 3 '"Do's of Persuasion", some of which build on, but some of which run counter to, what is described above 

1. Influence from the point of understanding - Rather than 'finesse' (or brawn), the key ingredient we recommend for influencing others is doing so from the foundation of understanding their perspective. For many people we work with this can be one of the hardest instincts and skills for them to develop, but when done well, it allows you to then position your ideas / suggestions / recommendations in the context of what is real and important to the other person, thus increasing greatly the chances of influencing them to your point of view.
2. Aim for 'beyond compromise' - having taken the time to understand the other person's perspective, it can (if you are open to it) provide an additional input to your own thinking which may allow you to come up with a proposal which is not their way, nor your way but a 3rd alternative. If people come to recognise this capability in you (ie that you enter a situation in a more open minded way, genuinely looking for a solution that is a win for all involved), your reputation will build and they will be more open to being influenced by what you say.
3. Be aware of how others view their relationship with you both over time and at the point in time when you are trying to influence - if we are to consistently achieve good results over time with others, we must realise that we are constantly making 'deposits' and 'withdrawals' in our relationships. At a point in time when we are trying to influence another to our perspective, the way they feel about the 'balance' of those deposits and withdrawals will have a real impact on how they interact with us.